Am I in a "Healthy" Relationship?

If you've clicked on this blog post, you might be wondering: Is my relationship healthy? The answer is not always simple, especially when emotions, history, and hope are involved.

It’s also important to understand that every relationship is unique. What works for one couple may look different for another, especially across different relationship structures. A "healthy" monogamous relationship and a "healthy" polyamorous relationship might have different expectations around time, intimacy, and boundaries, but both can thrive when built on trust, respect, and honest communication.

A relationship doesn’t need to check every single box on this list to be considered "healthy". If there are areas where you and your partner struggle, that doesn’t automatically mean your relationship is unhealthy or abusive; it may simply point to an opportunity for growth. Awareness is a strength, and learning to address your relationship’s weaknesses, either together or with the help of therapy, can deepen your connection over time.

Trust is the Foundation

Trust is one of the most essential elements of a healthy relationship. It allows both partners to feel secure in the bond they share. You do not feel the need to monitor or question your partner’s actions constantly, and you feel confident that they are being truthful and dependable. With trust, each person has the freedom to be themselves without fear.

In monogamous relationships, trust may be focused on exclusivity, emotional safety, and shared commitments. In non-monogamous or polyamorous relationships, trust often includes transparency around other connections and confidence that agreed-upon boundaries will be respected. Either way, trust is nurtured through consistency, honesty, and aligned actions.

Communication that Builds Connection

In a healthy relationship, communication is open, honest, and compassionate. You can express your thoughts, feelings, and needs without fear of being judged or dismissed. When conflict arises, you aim to approach it with curiosity instead of defensiveness or blame. The goal is to understand your partner’s perspective, not to “win” the argument.

A crucial part of communication is that both people feel safe to raise concerns and, importantly, that those concerns are met with both empathy and follow-through. In poly relationships, communication might also include regular check-ins about agreements, emotional boundaries, or how time is shared. No matter the relationship style, actions need to align with words for communication to feel meaningful and trustworthy.

Loyalty and Commitment

Loyalty in a "healthy" relationship goes beyond physical faithfulness. It includes emotional commitment, standing by one another, and prioritising the partnership during life’s ups and downs. Whether your relationship is monogamous or non-monogamous, commitment means mutual investment and shared responsibility for the relationship’s well-being.

Commitment doesn’t always mean exclusivity. In polyamorous dynamics, it can look like intentionally investing in multiple loving connections while still honouring the agreements of each relationship. What matters most is that both partners feel secure in how commitment is defined and upheld.

Honesty and Vulnerability

A "healthy" relationship gives you the space to be your true self. You can be open about your fears, dreams, and past experiences without fear of ridicule or rejection. Honesty fosters intimacy, while vulnerability helps you connect on a deeper level.

This kind of openness might not always feel comfortable, but it is essential for long-term emotional safety. In non-monogamous relationships, honesty around other emotional or sexual connections is especially critical. Vulnerability helps navigate complexity with care, creating space for deeper trust and mutual respect.

Kindness and Respect

Respect is the quiet, consistent heartbeat of a strong relationship. It shows up in how you speak to each other, how you handle disagreement, and how you show care, even when you're frustrated. Kindness during difficult times is especially powerful; it shows maturity, empathy, and a deep respect for your partner’s humanity.

No matter the structure of your relationship, kindness is what makes it feel safe and worthwhile. You can disagree without tearing each other down. In poly relationships, kindness also extends toward metamours, your partner’s other partners, fostering a sense of broader respect within your relational ecosystem.

Active Listening

Listening is a skill, and in a "healthy" relationship, both people practice it intentionally. You are not just waiting for your turn to speak; you are tuning in, paying attention to tone, body language, and emotion. Active listening helps your partner feel seen, heard, and understood.

Polyamorous relationships often involve more layers of emotion and connection, so active listening becomes even more crucial. In any type of relationship, being truly present during conversations and responding with empathy builds trust and deepens your emotional bond.

Safety and Boundaries

Emotional and physical safety are non-negotiables. Both partners can feel free to express themselves, set boundaries, and take space when needed, without fear of punishment, guilt, or rejection. You know that your limits will be honoured and not tested or ignored.

Boundaries might look different in different relationship models, but they are equally important. In poly relationships, for example, you might have boundaries around time management, safe sex practices, or emotional disclosure. Respecting each other’s limits builds the emotional container needed for the relationship to thrive.

Fairness and Equality

A sense of fairness and equality means both people contribute to the relationship in meaningful ways. That includes sharing emotional labour, making decisions together, and ensuring one person isn’t always carrying the weight of the relationship.

Fairness is not about strict balance, it’s about equity. In poly relationships, it also means being mindful of how attention, energy, and time are distributed between multiple partners, while ensuring each person feels valued and considered.

Shared Goals and Values

Relationships tend to be more fulfilling when both partners share similar values and long-term goals. Whether it’s your views on family, lifestyle, or the kind of relationship structure you want, alignment in key areas helps create a strong future (if that's what you want!).

For polyamorous people, this could involve conversations around relationship hierarchy, nesting partnerships, or shared life responsibilities. For monogamous partners, it might be about marriage, children, where to live or financial plans. Shared values help clarify the path ahead.

Supporting Each Other’s Growth

In a "healthy" relationship, your partner wants to see you grow and thrive. They encourage your passions, celebrate your progress, and help you navigate setbacks. There’s no competition or control; just genuine support.

In both monogamous and non-monogamous relationships, support means helping your partner become more of who they are, not who you want them to be. Encouraging independence and self-growth benefits both individuals and the relationship itself.

Maintaining Your Own Identity

A strong relationship includes a strong sense of self. You both maintain your own interests, friendships, and hobbies outside the relationship. You’re not expected to give up parts of yourself to feel close or maintain harmony.

In poly relationships, having your own identity is often central to maintaining balance across multiple connections. In monogamous relationships, it’s equally important; you bring more to the relationship when you’re grounded in who you are outside of it.

Physical and Emotional Intimacy

Intimacy in a "healthy" relationship is consensual, comfortable, and mutually satisfying. This includes physical closeness and emotional openness. You feel free to express affection, desire, and emotional needs without fear or shame.

Whether you are monogamous or polyamorous, asexual or allosexual, the goal is the same: feeling connected, secure, and emotionally seen. You check in regularly to ensure both of you feel fulfilled and respected, and adapt when needs shift over time.

Healthy Conflict Resolution

Conflict is inevitable in any relationship, but how you handle it matters. In a healthy dynamic, both partners feel safe bringing up issues without fear of explosive reactions or being shut down. You work together to understand each other, find compromises, and move forward.

In polyamorous relationships, where more people may be involved, conflict resolution often means clear communication across all connections. But whether you're in one relationship or several, facing issues with honesty and maturity strengthens trust and prevents resentment from building.

Time for Reflection

Healthy relationships involve ongoing reflection and adjustment. No couple gets it right all the time, and no relationship is perfect. The key is knowing that challenges are normal—and that growth is always possible.

Take some time to ask yourself:

• Do we trust each other?

• Do I feel heard when I share something important?

• Do I feel emotionally and physically safe?

• Do they respect my boundaries?

• Do we encourage each other to grow as individuals?

• Do we want the same kind of relationship?

• Does our time together have meaning?

• Do I feel respected?

• Do we share goals for the future?

• Do I accept them for who they are?

• Do I like the person I have become in this relationship?

• Can I express myself honestly?

• Can I be fully myself with them?

• Are we both invested in the relationship?

• Are we always kind to each other?

• Is my life better with them in it?

Answering “no” to one or more of these questions doesn’t mean your relationship is failing; it may just mean it’s time for a deeper conversation.

How Can Couples/Relationships Therapy Help Us?

Couples therapy offers a safe, structured space to explore your relationship with the support of a trained professional. Whether you're navigating communication challenges, dealing with emotional disconnection, or exploring changes in relationship structure, therapy can help you:

• Improve your communication and conflict resolution skills

• Rebuild trust and emotional closeness

• Navigate jealousy, insecurity, or boundary-setting

• Deepen understanding of each other’s needs

• Explore your relationship agreements; whether monogamous, open, or poly

Therapy is not just for couples in crisis. It can also support healthy relationships in growing stronger, navigating transitions, or reconnecting in new ways.

Final Thoughts

"Healthy" relationships are built over time through small, intentional choices. They are not always easy, but they should feel safe, supportive, and nourishing. Whether you are in a monogamous or polyamorous relationship, what matters most is that both partners feel valued, respected, and free to be themselves.

No relationship is perfect, but growth is possible.

By becoming more aware of what’s working and what isn’t, you can move forward with more clarity, compassion, and connection. And when needed, support is available. You don’t have to figure it all out alone.

If you’re ready to reflect on your relationship or explore how couples therapy could support you, I’d be honoured to walk alongside you.

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I am open to new clients! 

I specialise in couples/relationships therapy. Get in touch to book a free phone consultation or an initial session.

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